I had a dream about you last night. I can't quite remember what it was about, but I know that you were there. I usually wake up pissed that I had dreamed about you because it hurts so much. Today I didn't. I wasn't filled with anger or sadness, but a sense of peace almost.
I did talk to Barbara about you finally. I cried, which I hate doing. But I felt better afterwards. Cleansed almost. She asked me how I wanted to leave things if you died tomorrow. When she asked I really wasn't sure. I mean I would love to have you back in my life, but I don't want to open myself up to the possibility of getting hurt again. Months ago I thought I had closed the chapter of us. I had stopped emailing you feeling like you never even read them. I'm still not 100% sure what I want to do, but I'm entertaining writing you again to see if you will respond. Again I'm worried of being vulnerable and being let down. We shall see... I guess..
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