I got your number today, actually several numbers. I don't know how I feel about calling you or if I'll even follow through with it. I really don't want to hear your voice and get sucked back in again. Or to have you come up with some excuse as to why you did what you did. I refuse to let myself be hurt that way again. What you did and are still doing is completely unacceptable. I'm drafting up what what I might say to you if I do call, which is proving harder than I had originally thought. I thought that it would be easy to think of things to say to you since I usually have something to day.. I'm scared I'll just burst into tears and I won't have the guts to carry through. We'll see...

Just not sure

I had a dream about you last night. I can't quite remember what it was about, but I know that you were there. I usually wake up pissed that I had dreamed about you because it hurts so much. Today I didn't. I wasn't filled with anger or sadness, but a sense of peace almost.

I did talk to Barbara about you finally. I cried, which I hate doing. But I felt better afterwards. Cleansed almost. She asked me how I wanted to leave things if you died tomorrow. When she asked I really wasn't sure. I mean I would love to have you back in my life, but I don't want to open myself up to the possibility of getting hurt again. Months ago I thought I had closed the chapter of us. I had stopped emailing you feeling like you never even read them. I'm still not 100% sure what I want to do, but I'm entertaining writing you again to see if you will respond. Again I'm worried of being vulnerable and being let down. We shall see... I guess..

Dance

When I found you I was scared at first. I had no idea what to do with you and I was behind everyone else. You later became the love of my life. The greatest escape. Things at home were not good and that once-a-week lesson allowed me to focus on myself. That once-a-week turned into two, which eventually turned into 6 days a week. I've recently rediscovered you and I realize how much I've missed you being in my life. Sometimes I feel like you literally saved my life, I don't know where I would be without you.