Hard Shell Taco, Cinnamon Twists!

Sometimes we forget what we're all about. We fall in love, we get a new hobby, we change jobs, we move. And sometimes we're just preoccupied. Recently I've been looking for happiness in all the wrong places. In a bigger apartment, another car, more money. But thinking about those things don't bring me joy or happiness. When I daydream about what I would make my family for dinner or what Christmas would be like for my children, that brings me joy.

I've been questioning myself to find that bliss. What are you planning to do with the rest of your life career-wise? What makes you happiest in that sense? Will you make enough money to have all the "things" you want? Trying to answer these questions is not only exhausting, but damn near impossible. I can't spend my days trying to disect myself and figure out the future. A very wise woman once said, "You can't enjoy the present if you're living in the future." Or the past for that matter.

Something today made me realize that I forgot that it's the simple things, the little things that bring me the most joy. Today my fiance brought me Taco Bell for lunch. Which really doesn't sound like much, but the lunch I brought was already moldy (joy!) and that instantly put me in a cranktastic mood. So I was very appreciative of him bringing me some munchables. And you know what? It brightened my whole day! Just being able to sit down and enjoy an impromptu lunch with him was amazing. I felt closer to him. I felt like we had been renewed in a way. And I realized that all my life I have always LOVED the little things. Like driving with the windows down on a sunny day or holding my best friend's smiling 8-month-old daughter. If you don't appreciate the little things, life is seriously going to suck for you, man. You aren't always going to have those "big ticket days." Like getting a promotion or being approved for a loan. Go outside. Breathe in the air and take it all in. The world is full of things to appreciate.

Yesterday

Whew! Kinda went off yesterday. I think we all need to release whatever may be inside of us. Eating us up. Wearing us out. If we don't, it explodes out at a time when it shouldn't on someone that doesn't deserve it. I realized that keeping those feelings inside to stew, marinate, and fester makes it sooooo much worse than just letting it out. Kinda like a fart. The longer you keep it in the more it hurts. Wow, Cass. You just used a fart similie, I can hear my brother saying.

Now I'm not one to wear my heart on my sleeve. In fact, vulnerability is something I try to avoid at all costs. Doing this, however, has worked against me. I guess I oppress myself and I don't let me feel my own emotions to the fullest extent. It's hard to go through all those emotions, but it feels like a kajillion pounds have been lifted off me. I feel freer. I feel like I can function, which is huge for me. It's easy to cripple myself with thoughts of not feeling good enough, of not being enough. But I deserve love and compassion. And so do you.